Clean.

My blog is moving!

Big news, my friends! I'm moving my blog from here to my shiny new site, rachelwolfclean.com.

I think you'll find my new blog is nicer to look at, easier to navigate, and more mobile-friendly. Do tell me what you think! Then update your favorites folders, and head over to explore and subscribe.

I don't want to lose you in the switch, so I've added an email link to the front page to simplify you keeping up-to-date on new posts. 

See you there!

 

Love,

Rachel

Food for a year

A word of warning for my vegan and veg friends: I'm talking about the chickens we raise for food on the blog today. Scroll on if that's not something you're interested in reading about.

I was a vegetarian for nearly a decade. But unlike other healthier vegetarians, my body didn't do well on a grain- and legume-based diet. Over the years I became less and less well. Finally, in my late 20's I decided to try eating meat again to see if I might begin to heal.

And while eating meat wasn't the magic bullet I was hoping for, it was the first step in my healing journey. (I've written extensively about our family's path to gut healing on the blog through the years. Search "healing" here and you'll find enough reading to keep you occupied for days.)

But starting to eat meat again after avoiding it for so long was not a simple choice. I decided then that I would be extremely mindful about the meat that I would choose to eat. Initially I ate only fish and venison that my family had hunted. Then slowly I moved into ethically raised meat from small family farms.

Raising our own meat would be better still. We could have total say over quality of life, quality of feed, and farming ethics. We would know for sure how these animals lived and died. 

Before I knew it we were raising the majority of our family's meat. 

And that is how this one time vegetarian ended up with 90 homegrown chickens on hand to butcher this weekend. 

Butchering weekend is nobody's favorite.

It's hot, it's emotional, it's smelly, it's messy. It's difficult work in every way. But to walk my talk as best as I'm able? To never take for granted those sanitary packages of meat in the coop or grocery store freezer, but instead to know so well what it took for them to get there?  To raise kids who know - quite literally - where the food on their plate comes from, and what it takes for meat to find it's way to the kitchen? 

Well, that's something I never want them to forget. And after this their fourth butchering weekend, I'm certain they will not.

Honestly, I wouldn't have chosen this week to butcher it if I had any say in the matter. Life is still quite tender over here. (And honestly, I've had enough death for the moment.) I wanted more time in my cocoon. More time to grieve. But chicken butchering can't wait. And in an abstract way I think that's actually been helpful. To be forced to pull on my big girl pants and get to work.

Because life rolls on and  there's work to be done.

And so the four of us butchered and processed 90 birds together in two days. (The most we've ever done before was just over half that amount.)

It was an epic amount of difficult work, but with so many varied jobs to be done, each of us found our own ways to contribute. (Sage, for example, doesn't have the constitution for chicken butchering, so he helps by rounding up birds, then heads to the house to cook and clean up all of our meals.)

Because it seemed like a good idea at the time, I also put up a couple dozen jars of chicken soup, white chicken chili, and broth - to save us a little freezer space mostly, but also to keep our momentum going between batches of birds. It added another layer of work, but it's one that is more my speed and added satisfaction to a challenging weekend.

90 birds.

In just 2 days long days we put up enough meat to last us more than a year.

Every part of me aches; and all four of us are exhausted. But as Lupine put it, it was oddly satisfying work. Because we do eat meat. And honestly, there isn't a way I would rather fill the freezer than this. 

I am humbled and grateful.  

 

End of an era

Four years hardly constitutes an era, but for our family the past four years surely does.

Four years of keeping sheep.

Four years of homegrown fiber and fresh new lambs. Four years of helping mamas give birth, then laying in the straw gently aiming still damp heads towards their first taste of milk. Four years of tears when we failed them and triumph when things went better than we ever imagined. Four years of deciding who would stay and who would go - to another farm or to the freezer to feed our family for the coming year.

Looking back on who we were then and who we are now, four years feels like a lifetime. 

When we lived in town and dreamed of the farm we hoped to someday build, mostly I dreamt of sheep.

Of lambs scampering in green pastures; of wool in my workbasket from sheep I knew by name; of the most difficult yet rewarding meat we could possibly eat placed gratefully on our table.

And we did that.

This flock has been central to who we are and how we live. They are interwoven into our day-to-day lives and annual rhythms and our very identity. For the past four years sheep have determine our land use plans and our meal plans - even our vacation plans.

For nearly a quarter of the kids childhood (give or take), sheep have ruled. 

And so this spring, when we decided it was time to turn a new page, the decision was not made lightly. 

To say "we decided" is misleading. More accurately, we discussed and debated and agonized over the possibility. We flip-flopped, we wondered. And then - somewhat nervously, somewhat tentatively - we decided to turn that page.

It was time, as Pete eloquently put it, to paint gesso on this canvas and start again. 

A new painting. A new vision. A new chapter in our lives. 

And how fortunate we were to find someone willing to pick up where we left off.

No stressful sales barn for our animals, no unnecessary culling, no feeling stuck, wondering how to facilitate our next move. Just Isaiah and his sustainable family farm where he raises organic beef and chickens. Like we did those years ago, he wanted sheep for food and fiber.

His farming philosophy and vision are similar to our own - rotational grazing, sustainable management, and connection to the animals and the earth. It didn't hurt that he grew up homeschooled either - we spoke the same language from the start. He felt like a perfect fit for our animals from the very moment that we met.

So early this spring, while there was still snow in the barnyard, the three of us made a plan. He'd be back in July and take home his flock. 

And yesterday - well, yesterday it was July.

Almost four years to the day from when our first sheep arrived, it was time to say goodbye, to these dozen sheep whom we all know by name. I felt some trepidation but also excitement to turn this page. I think Pete and I - and the kids as well - knew that it was time. Time to try on a new vision on and see how it fits.

A vision where the four of us can travel together and where we have a bit more time to pursue other passions, interests, and projects.

Because, we have learned, we really can't do it all, no matter how we try.

Isaiah arrived mid-morning and we got to work.

As sheep transport days often are, our farm was a comedy of errors all morning. Isaiah arrived just as our steer escaped into the neighbors field (for the first of two times that morning). Much running and sweating and swearing was involved on Pete's part, but eventually Tiny was back in the pasture. And then he was gone again. (More running, more sweating, more swearing.)

After Pete managed to wrangle him back in a second time (and convince the fence to hold a charge), Isaiah, Pete and I talked for an hour or so, discussing all things sheep: minerals and herbal wormers; hoof trimming and shearing; flock genetics and soil health. I promised him an email with a flock family tree and some tips to identify one sheep from another.

These things we take for granted - who is whose baby; who twinned last year but singled this year - they are fixed in our memories. We'll jot down all that seems relevant and pass that along, too.

Then I took some pictures, and wondered what it would be like to have this barn empty once more. 

And then, with surprisingly few mishaps, we loaded this dozen into the trailer and said goodbye.

It was strange. But good strange, I think. (At least I hope.) There is so much that has been waiting here, for just a little breathing room. Like projects around the house, or finally finishing Sage's treehouse, or taking Lupine fishing in the creek like she asks so often.

Things there just aren't time for when sheep need a fresh pasture and we need to stack bales and it's hoof trimming time again.

Will moving the flock along give us time for those things we want to do while we still can? Those things that only happen in these fleeting moments of childhood? We'll find out soon enough. 

Less busy. More presence. That's my goal. 

In case you were wondering, Grandpa the guard dog stayed on. To guard the... I have no idea. The ducks? I hope Grandpa is happy here without his sheep. He's been feeling more and more like a pet and less like a guard dog for months. Here's hoping he's not restless without sheep at his heels. 

And we loaded them into the trailer and (with a few more mishaps along the way) they were gone.

And a new chapter begins.

As for Pete and I? I guess we're just grateful for what was, what is, and what has yet to be.

*

Nutmeg

Millet

Anise

Ruby

Pickle

Buddy

Bumble

Bunny

Lewis 

Butterfly

Lacey

Pinecone 

*

Drawing out a new line

Our lives are built on the premise that our current self knows what our future self most desires.

We constantly set a course for tomorrow, based on the assumptions of our current interests, values, and dreams. There's no other way to live, really (except, perhaps, from a mindset of "worse-case-scenario" and that's no fun for anyone). So we think about what we most love and want today, then draw a line as far into the future as we can reach in the direction of that dream. That line become our path, and we follow it into the next chapter of our lives.

And it shapes who we become.  

And that was how we started this homestead. We found the house and land and creek we had dreamed of, then added a big garden, bees, and a fruit orchard. Meat chickens, laying hens, ducks, guineas, and quail followed, then sheep, goats, and cows.

One piece at a time we built the homestead we had been dreaming of for as long as we could remember.

And we dug in. 

The years unfolded more quickly than our years in town, but with deeper meaning and satisfaction. We didn't travel much as a family or often wander away from the farm. And it was a rare weekend when we found ourselves searching for something to do.

But it was what we wanted, and life is made of trade-offs. We were happy to make these in exchange for bringing this dream to reality.

But recently, as our kids have accelerated into pre-teen and teendom, that suddenly feels like a bigger sacrifice than we're willing to make. Trading family time for farm time might work if all four of us were onboard with our homesteading vision, but we're not.

And with each passing season we are watching our kids grow up before our eyes.

There's no turing this back. 

So the four of us have been talking a good deal about our intentions for this little farm and for what direction we want to move as a family. Goodness, we've been here since Lupine and Sage were 6 and 10 and looked like this...

Instead of this...

And no matter how I rub my eyes and shake my head, there's no changing how long it has been since we breathed this dream to life.

As the past five years have unfolded, we've slowly refined our vision of what our life and homestead could look like.

We took a break from bees after failing to overwinter them year after year, making for an expensive - and disappointing - hobby. We re-homed our guinea hens because - tick eaters or not - their loud calls pushed me over the edge (especially from under my bedroom window at 4 AM when we had forgotten to lock the coop the night before). We took a one year break from meat chickens - which we regretted - and eagerly jumped back in the game this spring with 100 birds for our family freezer. We planted more perennials and fewer annuals, then slowly let the garden rest for one year, then for two. And late last winter, we found new homes for our beloved goats.

We all have this freedom of course, to refocus, to change course, to let go of what isn't working. It's just that sometimes we forget, or are paralyzed by the fear of deciding where else to go.

We've tried hard to remember this freedom all along, so as to never turn a dream into a grim obligation. I suppose it takes courage to chance course, but for me it's just common sense.

We only get this one life. Let's make sure it fits. 

In the space that was created by pressing pause on a project here or a species there, we found more time for things that had been waiting for years.

We found more time for family. 

And it made us hunger for more.

Because desipte what we've let go of, our plates today feel as full as ever. And feeding and fencing and farm work is a huge piece of that overflow. And despite my disbelief, we have just three more years until Sage will turn 18.

"How do we want to spend these last three years of his childhood?", we ask ourselves.

These days are fleeting, indeed.

So as a family, we decided it was time to press pause in a most dramatic, we-never-saw-this-coming-but-it-feels-so-right kind of way. 

One by one we are rehoming our ruminants and also reducing our laying flock.

By the end of this month we will have just a small flock of laying hens, an annual batch of meat birds, and pets in our care. 

And so yesterday the Great Rehoming of 2017 kicked into gear, with three sheep and a dozen hens heading off to happy new homes. Yes, there was a pang, of course there was. These animals were born here. We nurtured and cared for them from the moment they drew their first breath.

But truly, it feels like the right answer for us right now. All four of us a breathing easier as we see this new, refined vision unfolding.

What will the next chapter hold for us? It's really hard to say. More time to just be as a family, that much is certain. And a trip to Ireland is on the agenda for the fall. When we get home, who knows... maybe we'll even manage to start that house remodel that we sketched out the year we moved in.

Will we love not having animals? We're really not sure. They have been our compass and our anchor for as long as we have been here. But all we can do it try it on, and see how well it fits tomorrow. We don't know who we'll be then, or what dreams we might bring into the light.

Today, though, we are just drawing out a new line - as we always have - from here out as far as we can see into the future, then deciding where we will go from there.

 

Project Frolic: an encore

The lambs-in-tutus season is brief.

When the lambs are newly born, we're certain the tutus would frighten them. And so we've never tried. When they're too big, well, they're too big. (There is an upper limit for livestock in tutus, you know. Or so I firmly believe.) 

And so it happened that this year's lambs all grew up and out of tutu size before anyone thought to orchestrate a second Project Frolic season of the lamb ballet.

All but one: Lacy, our newest arrival.

And then last night, Pete, Lupine and I were out in the pasture moving fences at sunset, setting up a new plot of fresh grass for the flock. When our work was done we sat down in the pasture and watched them graze; alternately chatting with each other, snuggling Grandpa the guard dog, climbing trees, and simply resting as the sun slipped behind the hills.

Lupine suddenly looked at me with a sparkle in her eye and dashed for the house. "I'll be right back!" she called.

And back she came. With the tutus.

I'm not sure when I have laughed so hard as I did last night. Even Sage emerged from his room, a camera slung over his shoulder after he heard what was going on. All it takes to bring us together is one tiny tutu, it seems.

It's possible that we won't have sheep at this time next year. We're considering moving our flock along to another sustainable farmer who is looking to expand from beef into sheep. It's a very difficult decision (like others we have faced), but we're hoping to have more time as a family for things other than farming during these last fleeting years of Sage's childhood. Lupine would love to keep sheep always, but we're all willing to take a break for a few years in exchange for more family time.

And therefore this might be it for a few years - our last batch of farm babies.

And one more chance to watch a lamb dance through fresh grass in a frilly tutu? Well, goodness yes. I'm glad that Lupine was here to remind us. It would have been a shame to miss that.

The truth, of course, is that sometimes life gets far too serious. We furrow our brows and sigh and get back to work, never looking up to see the eyes of our children and our loved ones growing ever older. Never looking up to see the sunset behind the trees. Never stopping to laugh or smile or play.

And I'm grateful for these moments of joy and levity that bring us back to center. Back to the things that really matter: family, joy, laughter, and these small simple moments that we spend together and that truly are the substance of our lives.

We are rich, indeed.

*Goats in tutus can be found here if you need just a little more. 

 

Shearing day (yes sir, yes sir, nine bags full)

Shearing day had arrived! It's a once a year event, and we're always glad for the sheep when it occurs before the heat of late spring arrives.

The timing this year was perfect: still cool out - frosty in the morning but with a nice springtime warmth by afternoon. We didn't yet have overheated sheep, panting away in the shade in their thick wool coats. I was grateful.

And so we set to work on Saturday morning, rounding up the flock and preparing a space in the barn. 

Each of us has a job on shearing day.

Lupine made breakfast while Pete and I hustled about getting ready; and Sage had prepped lunch the night before so that he could quickly throw food in the oven when shearing was nearly done. Lupine also pre-labeled bags with the names of each member of the flock, while Pete, Sage, and I swept out the barn for cleaner shearing. A dry piece of plywood was placed on the floor, and a makeshift fence corridor was assembled with cattle panels and fencing, leading from the shearing room back to the pasture.

The shearer soon arrived, and everyone set to work. Even a neighbor friend who had come with her sheep (and a baby on her back) had a job to do, helping bag fleeces with Lupine.

I was grateful for her extra hands, because this is normally part of the job that I do, but this year things were different. With a broken arm, Pete's normal heavy-work role was exchanged for sweeping and guiding sheep back to pasture, leaving me to do the sheep wrangling/catching/moving. 

Indeed, my job was the most physical of all (aside from shearing, of course!) - racing about in the hayed barn enclosure, catching wary sheep, then driving them backward, steering them to the waiting shearer and assembled team.

It's been two days and honestly, I'm still a little sore. But the satisfaction was real when I wrangled that last sheep in for shearing.

Lupine (aside from labeling bags and filling them with fleeces) appointed herself the bonus role of lamb guardian, which both mamas and babies certainly appreciated. This way they could stay together (or be more quickly reunited) when shearing was done.

Before we knew it we had nine bags, literally bursting with fiber. Black, brown, grey, white, and mottled - just waiting to be skirted, scoured, and spun.

I can hardly wait! 

For the first time ever, this year we have a local fiber mill just a couple of towns over, opened by some friends last winter. I'm thrilled that I can load up my car with these fleeces (plus the dozen or so still on hand from last year's shearing) and have them worked into soft roving for handspinning and also some beautiful machine spun yarn. 

I enjoy spinning but honestly am not a fan of preparing the fiber - scouring, carding, and making rolags - so I'm over the moon to hand this piece off to Kathryn at Ewetopia.

Today I think I'll take things slow - another epsom salt soak may be in order - and then, perhaps later in the week start prepping these fleeces for delivery. 

Oh my, yes. A great deal of homegrown yarn will be heading my way soon.

Perhaps I'll dye a few skeins for you and put them up in my Etsy shop! That was my intention when we first got sheep those years ago. If there is interest, do let me know and I'll make sure to do so.

Happy Monday dear ones. Make it a beautiful week.

 

Love,
Rachel