Clean.

Into the weekend.

Fall requires that we seize the moment and get out and in it before, in a breeze it leaves us. So we're off for a few days of adventuring in the color and magic that is autumn. Before I go, I'll leave you with this.

 

Goodness I love it. (Most of it anyway.) I've shared it before, and I might even share it again. Because it's been so good for me to focus on during times that feel full of transitions, changes, or struggle.

Perhaps it will serve you, too.

Love,
Rachel

 

 

More Peaceful Parenting Step 6. Just listen.

Well hello there. That was a mighty long break from the More Peaceful Parenting series, wasn't it?

Thank you for sticking around while I caught my breath and built my courage to take on this series again. I'm ready if you are.

For those of you who are new or who aren't looking for a new parenting paradigm, let me restate my intention here, just for clarity: This series is for parents looking for ways to integrate more connection-based peaceful parenting strategies into their relationships with their children.

If if isn't resonant to you, then no sweat. Perhaps you have found your perfect parenting fit. (Parenting, after all, is not a one-size-fits-all arrangement.)

But if you are in a place of struggle with your child, or if you are searching for a bit more ease, or if some of the parenting strategies you are using don't resonate anymore, this series is for you.

This is how we are striving to do things in our home. It is my goal as a mom to reach for deeper connection and to find peaceful ways to guide my children along this journey.

And you know, I'm learning right along with you. And I don't always find the right fit either.

But that's life, isn't it? We aren't perfect. But we're learning and growing everyday.

We began the Peaceful Parenting series last winter. I encourage you to take a few days to re-read steps one through five. These will lay the foundation and remind you of the journey we are on.

        More Peaceful Parenting Step 1. Forgive, Accept, and Love Yourself.

More Peaceful Parenting Step 2. Identify the Need.

More Peaceful Parenting Step 3. Validate.

More Peaceful Parenting Step 4. Creating a Yes Environment.

More Peaceful Parenting Step 5. Your Mission Statement.

And now, finally! More Peaceful Parenting Step 6. Just Listen.

I want to restart with something so basic, so simple, that you are doing it already.

The change I am suggesting today is for you to deepen and shift how you are listening to hear more than you did before. To truly listen. With all of your heart.

And when we start to listen (really listen) our child receives the message that they matter. That their feelings are valid. That they are valid.

How to listen to your child:

1. Focus on your child.

Kneel down so that you are at eye-level.

Make physical contact if that is what your child desires. Sometimes for my kids it's easiest to talk while we cuddle. Some crave eye contact, others withdraw from it.

Listen to their energy and give them what they need. But give them your focus.

2. Ignore external distractions.

Don't answer your phone. Shut off your computer. Create comfortable quiet where you can focus on their words and body language alone.

3. Quiet your inner distractions.

As parents many of us have a stop watch that is constantly ticking in our heads. We have a lot to do and sometimes not enough time to do it. Stop that clock.

The dishes and laundry will wait. Dinner will wait. Nap will wait. Take a deep healing breath and focus on this moment. Your presence means so much more than anything else that might be on your to-do list.

4. Hear the feelings underneath their words.

Let your child talk without interruption. Hear what they are saying, and seek to understand what they are not saying as well.

What is the feeling (or the need) at the heart of their expression?

5. Accept the feelings they are expressing as valid.

Avoid the temptation to soothe them with words that negate how they feel.

Instead of using words like "You're okay," or "It'll be fine," try reflecting back what you are hearing, "It hurts," or "You're very angry."

Remember that your work in this moment is not to fix anything. Just listen. Just really listen.

Following the steps above will give our children the message that we are really, truly listening and that their words matter. 

We demonstrate that we aren't going to swoop in to try to fix it and we aren't going to tell them that they are wrong.

They will instead hear that it is safe to express all of their feelings to you - even the scary or ugly or overwhelming ones. And this will create connection between you that will serve you always.

From here we can work together to find a solution, empowering our child to step up and participate in that process. 

But before solution there must be understanding.

Let's start by just listening.

New slippers for my little elf.

Oh. My.

I do love it when they grow out of the old, battered hand-me-downs. Because it cracks open the door to a little hand-crafting, in this case the knitting up of a pair of gnome slippers for my elf-child.

My project is here on Ravelry. You can find the (free!) pattern there. Oh I do love Ravelry.

These slippers are knitted up big then felted down to for a custom fit.

If you have never made felted slippers before I strongly recommend it. They are satisfying to make and crazy warm for cool days. I have made this more serious/less fanciful pattern for Pete, Sage, and I before but the elf pattern was too cute to pass up. All you need to master is short rows (w&t) and you'll be ready to roll.

Bring it on, October. We're ready for ya.

Homemade Sriracha Recipe

Homemade sriracha (aka "Rooster Sauce") is oh-so-easy. We've been eating the store bought stuff for years, but Pete read the label recently and we realized that as good as it tasted we just weren't the biggest fans of the preservatives that our favorite brand was adding.

And really, it's so simple. I'm not sure why we haven't been making it all along. It's the perfect blend of chilies, garlic, sweetness and vinegar. The recipe I started with came from here. I modified it to suit our preference, and I've included my version is below.

A note about chilies: please, please wear gloves when you seed your hot peppers. Otherwise you might find yourself up all night, crying with your burning fingers in a bowl of ice water. Or so I am told.

Also a note on color: my rooster sauce is a deep rosy orange rather than the red of purchased sauce. I'm down with that. I buy my peppers from my Amish farmer friend Mary and she grows just about everything. So that's what I get and that's what I used.

Homemade Sriracha Rooster Sauce

• 1 lb of assorted hot chilies, stemmed, seeded (leave more seeds in for more heat), and chopped
• 1 to 2 heads of garlic (about 8 to 10 average sized cloves), peeled and smashed
• 2 tsp salt
• 1 cup white vinegar
• 1 cup apple cider vinegar
• 3 Tb honey

Make it!

Combine chilies, garlic, salt, and vinegars in a sauce pan. Simmer for 20 to 30 minutes to soften peppers and garlic.

Add honey, remove from heat and allow to cool somewhat.  

Blending hot liquids, especially hot siracha is insanity and can send you to the emergency room. Know how to do this properly to prevent a siracha blender volcano. Because that would be terrible in so many ways. Cool first, then start at your blender's lowest speed.

When somewhat cooled, puree until completely smooth in your blender or in the pan with a submersion blender. Depending on your equipment this will take up to 4 or 5 minutes. In my Vitamix it was fast, but if your blender lacks oomph give it plenty of time.

Allow to sit before you take the cover off of the blender. Don't breathe the steam as it is spicy and will take your breath away! 

Return to pan and over medium-low heat to a simmer.

Preserve it!

If you want to you can freezer your sriracha in small jars (or make a smaller batch and just keep it in the fridge), but I chose to can mine. Using the basic canning process I outlined here, can in quarter-pint or half-pint jars in a hot water bath for 15 minutes.

As for how many jars, well... I have no idea. Because:

1) I was so excited about it I keep giving it away to friends, and

2) Pete and his sister (who has spent the past three months with us) are so crazy about it I think the're downing entire jars with breakfast

I will make this every year from here on our. We love it more than my salsa. It's that good.

Edited to add: I just made a batch today and yield is around 5 half-pint jars of spicy goodness. The recipe doubles (or triples, or... well, today I made a 5x batch) beautifully.

Enjoy!

Love,
Rachel

 P.S. Here is a printable version for those who prefer a hard copy: Download HomemadeSiracha

Simple things.

Good morning. Good morning. 

It's cold here. This temperature in the spring will feel balmy, but now it just feels Really Quite Cold. This is my favorite time of year for canning and stocking up on bone broth, since I'm desperate for the warmth in the kitchen.

Oh, yes. Fall is most definitely upon us.

Today I am cultivating appreciation for all things right and sweet in my world. It's a practice that blesses me everytime I take a moment to count a few blessings.

This morning I am thankful for...

1.The pantry that is brimming with canned tomatoes, roasted red peppers, and this season's most exciting experiment - homemade siracha (hot sauce)! There are plenty of things I didn't get around to putting by, but today I'm feeling deep appreciation for all that did get squirreled away. (I'll share the siracha recipe if you are interested.)

2. The arrival of autumn and the painted leaves that have appeared everywhere around here in the past week. I love fall and the turning inward that it brings each season. Because it is so fleeting, autumn encourages me to be present, put aside the to-do list and get outside to enjoy it.

3. Family. We just returned from a weekend visiting my parents and I do appreciate them so. I was also blessed with an uninterrupted afternoon with a friend who's known me since I was a 16-year old hippie kid. I like being with people who know where I've been.

4. Our farm dream, which we still hold tight to even as the seasons turn. I am dreaming of curling up beside a woodstove and looking out on snow-covered Driftless hills. I am open to grace and letting it come.

5. Our bossy chickens who have just woken and are on the back steps, loudly proclaiming that it is time for their servant (me) to feed them their breakfast.

What blessings are you counting today?

Love,
Rachel

The Edge.

I was inspired by a recent post my friend Renee wrote about seeing the edge of her personal growth in her writing and the books she reads. I was in the midst of a funky week when I read it so the idea of "my edge" got hooked in my craw and didn't budge. 

Because I was feeling my edge, I just hadn't recognized it as such.

Like Renee's my edge is tied to my writing. But it's also tied to how I respond to how you respond to my writing. (Convoluted? Stick with me for a minute.)

My edge. The cusp of who I am becoming. My struggles and strengths, the things I dread and the things I embrace.

Like you, I am learning and growing everyday. It's just uncomfortable sometimes so I don't always see the benefits those struggles hold. I wish them away and invite ease to replace anxiety in those moments.

But without the discomfort that lies at "my edge" I suspect I would miss so much.

Because beneath our day-to-day existence is the stretching and growing and sometimes uncomfortable becoming that is at the core of why we're all here.

Sometimes I'd love to trade in my demons (and all the discomfort they bring) for a different lot. But when I look closely at the ones I have, they look familiar. I recognize in my demons the same essence that I see in my gifts.

Indeed, they mirror each other so closely that I can't tell one from the other. So wishing away my demons would in fact be wishing away my gifts in the same breath.

What has come up is my sensitivity again (What else?) and the struggles I feel when I face even the slightest criticism. Because of the nature of my life and work, that usually comes in the form of comments on thoughts I have shared through blogging - here and elsewhere. And it's hard for me. Ridiculously so.

But if my gift and my Achilles' heal are the same trait, maybe I can find a way to embrace and accept all of me.

So at my edge today is self-love and acceptance. 

It isn't about hardening my shell or becoming someone I am not. As a well-meaning professor suggested a lifetime ago, "Rachel, you've got to grow a thicker skin!" I believed him then. But today? I'm thinking maybe not.

Because I've been swimming against that current for my whole life and I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.

I am thinking instead about recognizing and accepting myself, my strengths and weaknesses and allowing it all to be. Allowing me to be me, without wishing to shift one piece to make life more easy and comfortable. And while I do I will surely be evolving, changing, growing just the same - but without the pressure on becoming someone I am not.

Would you benefit from a dose of self-love and acceptance?

I think we all would. To stop wishing we were something we are not, to stop comparing ourselves, criticizing ourselves, or questioning ourselves. To stop hating those who have what we do not, or hating ourselves for who we are or how we tick.

To see our "gifts" and our "demons" and embrace them without these labels. To see them simply as a part of us without judgement.

So while some of my traits make me smile and other parts make my stomach do a flip when they surface, I will try to embrace both. Because it's a bit of a package deal, isn't it? I can't be sensitive (which makes me me) and let criticism roll off of my back like nothing.

They are the same trait, just different moments. And slowly, slowly, I am learning how to love and embrace all of me.

What about you? Do you see the reflection of your gifts in your struggles? What do you wrestle with that you could learn to embrace?

Wishing you the gift of self-love and acceptance in the coming days.

Love,
Rachel

Reintegration.

It's true.

Some days I just want to ignore my children and my responsibilities and knit all day long.

Some days I fantasize about not doing the wash and not cooking dinner and not homeschooling and just bundling up under a quilt and knitting all darn day. Selfishly. Alone. 

"Maybe they have a project to do all day long that doesn't involve me! Maybe we can eat smoothies for breakfast, lunch and dinner! Maybe dirty socks are as warm as clean socks today."

Or, maybe not.

Sure, sometimes I really don't do the laundry and we do have smoothies for two meals in a row. But those days are rare and either glorious or uncomfortable, depending on why they've occurred.

Yesterday was the latter.

We got a slow start. I woke the kids an hour later than they normally rise on their own and we never really hit our groove. So I brought a simple knitting project to the homeschool table, kept lessons short, and we ate yogurt and quesadillas for lunch.

Yes. I have days - as do you I suspect - where I just want to call it all off. 

Somehow, even though coming home is always the sweetest part of going away, it's still sticky for us. Reintegration. Getting back into the groove of the day-to-day rhythm at home and the work of the life we have created.

We love our rhythm but once we've lost it, it can be tricky to pick up again.

Yesterday was our first day back on our (still new to us) homeschooling schedule and I'll go ahead and say it: we were bored. Bored and antsy. For whatever reason I didn't have it in me to load the watercolors into the picnic basket and head to the hills (so to speak).

We just sort of languished. Struggled. Suffered along through the day. With Sage bouncing off the walls and me gazing longingly at my knitting and Lupine wanting for things that weren't in the cards.

So we kept things short all day, and ended up in bed early. But even with calling off much of our day, none of us ever hit our groove. It was just mildly uncomfortable to be in our own skins right up until bedtime.

 But just like I encourage boredom in my kids to help launch them into the next plateau of creativity, I guess sometimes I also need it myself. So there were no escape routes, no quick fixes. We just suffered through, searching for our collective groove.

Somehow I thought you might want to know. That it's not always glitter and sunbeams over here. We argue, we get bored and restless, we struggle. Because we are, after all, human. With better days and worse days.

I just wanted you to know.

And for the record, today feels better already. (Goodness, it's hard to type with my fingers crossed...)

Watercolor in the woods.

After seven days in the woods if you asked either of my children (or me for that matter) what the highlight of the trip was the answer was the same: painting at Quartz Hill.

It was our first full day up north. Each of us picked our adventure for one day, and a hike to this giant quartz formation was Lupine's choice. (In an effort to maintain the rhythm of doing a bit of organized homeschooling work each day, I added the painting.)

After walking through the forest to the hill we ate a picnic lunch in the dappled sun. Then we sat beneath the trees making art. All day long.

It was wonderful.

We've painted outdoors before (when the kids were younger) but this time was different somehow. It was magical.

If we hadn't run out of paper we just might have spent the night up there.

So while I questioned it on the hike up the hill, schlepping that (big, heavy, awkward) basket of art supplies through the woods was absolutely worth it. Oh, goodness yes.

To the woods.

One week in the woods.

Just my kids and me.

We slept by the fire and swam in the river. We hiked in the forest, gathered acorns and the first fall leaves. We hunted for crystals, caught snakes and woolly bears and marveled at eagles. We explored and played, rested and dreamed.

And now we're home.

Oh, how I love coming home.

Because no matter how magical the time away the familiar comfort of home is waiting when we return.

Get your kids creating.

This is a repost from a couple of years back. Definitely worhty of the effort to dust it off and share it again.

How can you get your kids busy making puppets? Or drawings? Or masks? Or jewelry? Or costumes? (Or making anything for that matter?)

Many parents don't know where to start to help guide their children into more creative adventures. Here are a few basic steps that should make your home the creative nucleus it secretly wants to be.

1. Make time.

If we don't make time for our own creativity it is asking a bit to much to expect our children to find the time in their own experience. They live what they learn, so make time to be creative yourself (in the presence of your children) and with your kids, even if it is just a few moments here and there. Draw with them. Make a fairy fort outside. Make paper masks. Sew, knit, paint. Anything. Create a new family ritual. (Steal our idea for a weekend morning Jammie Craft featured here and here.) Carve out the time, even if it is just five minutes, two days a week.

2. Have supplies available.

Supplies that you don't ration. Nothing squelches creativity like a parent hovering and being miserly about their materials. My kids have their own yarn because they were "borrowing" yarn from my project cabinet which was making me freak. And their having to constantly ask for tape made me buy them their own tape dispenser so that mine stayed in the office.

Some of our favorites kids' craft supplies are: wool and cotton yarn, cotton fabric, wool felt, sequins and glitter (these are kept on a high shelf and used when I help with setup), glue, needles, thread, embroidery floss, watercolors, kite paper, regular paper (white and colored), pencils, crayons, and wooden bits.

3. Organize your supplies

...so that kids can find what they need easily. Self-service is important to encourage kids to follow their creative spark. Think kid's eye level and accessible day-to-day location.

 We have a sideboard in our dining room filled with supplies with labeled drawers. (The labels include pictures and words so that pre-readers can still find what they want.) We have a friend with a devoted dresser of supplies. You'll find the right answer for your space. It needn't be fancy - just orderly.

4. Unplug and Acquaint Yourself With Boredom.

(Now we're getting to the sticky ones.) Nothing brings a faster death to creativity than lots of screen time for a kid. The younger your child is the less media they should be exposed to. (A well-accepted standard is no screen time before two, thought many believe it should go much beyond two.)

Without screen time kids will get bored. And they'll whine. And fuss. And be dramatic. It will be uncomfortable.

And then out of pure desperation they'll engage their brains and get un-bored. And that's when the best magic happens. But you have to stick it out and have some great supplies at hand. Trust me. You'll curse my name along the way, but the destination will be so worth it. 

Worth saying that the screen-time reduction should go for everyone lest it appear to be a demented parental punishment.

5. Find your inspiration.

Have some simple crafts up your sleeve for when you have creative time with your kids. Maybe they'll be old favorites from your childhood. Tap into your friends. Call your mom. Or come here to see what we're up to. Other great blogs for quick crafts are Crafty Crow and Artful Parent.

6. Plant Seeds.

"When I was a kid I made the coolest puppet out of a toilet paper roll and some construction paper." Plant creative seeds for your kids to nurture. They'll take the lead and come up with some great creative ideas of their own.

7. Get out of the way.

It is wonderful to nudge children in the direction of creative expression, but then get out of the way. Busy yourself with your own parallel project (making your own puppet for example), or quietly slip away and make dinner.

Their finished project does not need to be perfect. This can be hard for us to learn. As parents we tend to offer too many suggestions, too many ideas, too much direction. They know what they are doing. This is their project - not yours. (Let the big pink strawberry star in that spring puppet show.)

Enjoy the journey. Let me know what transpires this weekend in your craft zone!