Clean.

Ten times round the sun.

 

Dear Sage,

A decade ago we greeted you with open arms as you wooshed into our world in a yellow house in Baraboo.

So watchful. So aware. So present. You were the most beautiful baby I had every seen, and your eyes spoke of lifetimes of knowing.

That day changed everything.

You've taught me countless lessons these past ten years. Most importantly how to mother. For that I am grateful.

I treasure your humor, your intuition, your clever mind. I love your cuddles, your creativity, and your belief in all things magical. I treasure you for honoring your truths, for your honesty, and for your sensitivity.

Happy birthday Sage. I love you with all of my heart - and then some.

Love,
Mama

In case you missed it, I shared a more about Sage's birth and babyhood in this post (my most popular post to date). I still can't read it without crying.

On learning new tricks (like spinning wool and riding a unicycle, though not at the same time).

 

I scored a second-hand spinning wheel a couple of years ago in trade for soap. (I know. Right? How could I pass it up?)

I sat down that first day, ever confident, with a lap-full of roving from my local yarn shop. And I proceeded to make - not yarn - but a colossal mess. I had no idea what I was doing. Even YouTube could not save me.

So I took a spinning class and made something rope-like that one could call yarn or one could mistake for the small intestines of a sheep. It depends on your perspective.

Since then I have not done a lot of spinning. With my limiting crafting hours I often choose to knit rather than spin. Because it is easier for me. And while I want my children to push their limits, I wasn't wanting to push my own.

Sure, I've spun a bit and completed a few projects with my own yarn (including this homespun hat which Lupine still loves), but not many.

Lately however as I've moved toward getting rid of all the treasures in my house that aren't being used, I paused at my spinning wheel. Technically I am not a spinner and it should go. But, but... No. I'm keeping it. I am not a spinner, but I so want to be.

And still it sat. Gathering dust.

Last week when I realized that the yarn on my wheel was spun in February (my own blog archives provide too much information about the projects I have left undone, but that's a conversation for another day.), I knew it was now or never.

So I've carved out some time before bed to spin. Sometimes five minutes, sometimes an hour. And what do you know? It's working. I'm learning.

Here is the latest yarn, hot off the wheel. Wabi-sabi to be sure, but good enough for my needs. It's satisfying to see myself making progress. My latest yarn is a single-ply (my first) and the colors are amazing. I'm contemplating some fingerless gloves for a friend who has (while pining away over knits on my kids) politely requested that I could (ahem) knit something for her someday too.

And then there is the unicycle.

Sage and I have been loving this new challenge we've taken on.

As the main photographer in the family I don't have any pictures yet. (I'm not ready to ride and shoot photos simultaneously, lest I die.) Yet.

But who knows. Maybe my next trick is photography via unicycle.

It could happen.

Since we started last week on borrowed unicycles we've laughed ourselves silly, made countless "don't-talk-to-me-know-I'm-concentrating" faces, and yes, gotten a few bruises. It's hard, and ridiculously fun. I'm learning another new trick, and that feels so good.

Viroqua, forever the most happenin' small town on Earth has a unicycle club that we're attending. So we even have a coach and some 8-11 year old mentors who can ride circles around us. Quite literally.

At first I was just going to take Sage and hang out but, come on. Pass up on learning to unicycle at 39? No way.

But here's the kicker: Lupine is learning too, and she's not even on a unicycle.

Lupine has known how to pedal a bike for over a year. But she wouldn't. She would only scooter bike even after we put on her pedals, nervous to rest her feet and go for it.

But on the first night of Unicycle Club as she watched her brother and mama get up and fall off, get up and fall off of the unicycles, she went for it. She mustered her courage, started pedaling, and hasn't stopped.

What a beautiful lesson: to allow our children to see us fall and get up and try agian.

My friend who's been on a unicycle longer than me had the same experience with her son. His big eyes as he watched her fall, and asking, "Are you still learning?"

Oh, yes. We are all still learning.

And demonstrating that gives our children permission to fall down too.

Confidence in a home-cooked meal.

I wanted to share a story from our participation without coercion experiment.

When we broke down our weekly responsibilities the kids each agreed to cook one meal per week.

Two nights ago Sage was in charge of dinner. His menu was homemade meatballs and red sauce with sauteed zucchini. (Because I'm veggie-crazed I did add a salad to the mix. I hope that doesn't count as micro-managing.)

It was hands down the tastiest meal we had all week.

I don't have many photographs because this kids loves his privacy. In fact, he didn't want me to photograph the final meal, as beautiful as it was. But I will tell you this: when that dinner was set on the table and we gathered around it to eat he was beaming. He was proud, confident, and felt the satisfaction of hard work.

He planned. He shopped. He found recipes. And then he cooked. Sage put hours into this meal. And when all was said and done? The word awesome was used to describe the entire experience. (And not just by me.)

Counting blessings.

This day I am thankful for...

a weekend at home, creating, organizing, and enjoying life with my family;

cool dew on the grass;

chai in (and chickens on) my new favorite cup;

wool on my wheel;

my silly yet satisfying new creative outlet;

yesterday's rockin' $4 rummage sale score and

the $3 canner that came with the new jars - already in use;

and this early-bird by my side through it all. Each and every morning.

Life

is

Sweet.

 

Love,

Rachel

Gocco!

Almost a year ago I found a vintage new-in-the-box Gocco at a thrift store.

I squealed, then danced around in the isle embarrassing my children who could not understand why that cheesy cardboard box full of craft supplies was so thrilling to me.

It was $3.50.

When I told a friend about it she told me she had paid ten times that much for hers not two years before. Yup. Total score.

I kept stalling on using it. I had only five screens and didn't want to squander my resources. So there it sat. For a year.

Also, I was a little baffled on how to use it until I found this delightful video on Youtube. As a visual learner, that video changed everything. I didn't even need the manual anymore.

Last week Sage and I decided that we'd give it a go making invitations for his birthday party. I drew the card, he burned the screen and printed the invitations.

And I am so hooked.

The heart-break is that Gocco no longer manufactures supplies. Meaning this little honey might have a shorter life than I'd like. But there are supplies out there. I just might need to hoard some.

Do you Gocco?

 

 

Participation without coersion. Phase 1, continued.

We're still chugging along on the participation without coercion train. And overall it has been incredible. Though their energy for it wains at times (more on that below) the kids are both still willing to dig in and participate without me pushing.

I'm so glad we are taking this on. And now we are (lovingly and politely) telling entitlement that it's time to go. Our kids have different paths to be on.

The photos of course are unrelated. I misplaced the battery charger for my camera for a few days, so I don't have many pictures of the children doing all this participating I've been talking about. (Really. They have been working hard! I swear.)

But the photos of Sage flying through the air over the churning river? We'll just say it's a metaphor for all that they are learning now that they are participating in our family more. These kids can fly. 

On Tuesday I gave you an overview of our success so far. Today I want to back up and share some details with you of how it all came together.

The plan I laid out last week was as follows:

1. Meet as a family and establish a shared goal.

2. Determine tasks or chores that need to be done daily or weekly.

3. Work together to determine an equitable way to distribute tasks.

4. Test our plan.

5. Encourage staying the course using peaceful parenting strategies (validation, attention, connection, and group problem-solving).

6. Modify as needed to meet the needs of all members of the family.

On Friday we got started.

1. We held a family meeting. (Well, we held breakfast with lots of talking. That counts as a meeting, right?) We had to keep it short as Sage was squirming and losing his mind a bit with all the sitting and listening and talking (Oh, my. School would be a disaster for this one.) so we cut to the chase.

Working together we listed the chores that need to be completed daily, weekly, and monthly. I kept notes while everyone listed all the chores they could think of.

When our page was full I asked the kids how they feel when those jobs are completed on schedule. Does it feel good to know that the dishes are washed every day and there are always clean glasses in the cupboard?

Then I asked how they have felt when the chores are not done on time. When the laundry has piled up and there are no clean socks in their dressers. When you're hungry and no one has made lunch.

We all agreed. It's frustrating. Our kids want the chores to be done regularly just as much as Pete and I do. So we knew we shared at least a partial goal - to have the work completed regularly.

Finally I asked how they would feel if most of the chores fell to them. For example, Sage is an able cook. What if he cooked all of our meals? Lupine knows how to wash dishes. What if she had to wash every dirty dish, everyday?

That didn't seem fair to anyone.

"So does it make sense that most of the chores fall to Papa and me?" I asked.

Hm.

Though appealing at first, the kids agreed that that wasn't fair either.

We're all in this together so why should one or two people do most of the hard work? With a little empathy my kids could feel what it would be like if the tables were turned.

2. So we came up with a goal.

"A clean, nice, awesome house where everyone likes to be where the work is shared fairly."

Written almost entirely by the children - with me (in the spirit of empowering them to participate) resisting the urge to simplify or edit it - we now have something to focus on as our experiment unfolds.

Steps 1 and 2 are complete. We have a goal, we have a list, and now we just need a plan to bring it all together.

Now it's onto step 3: equitably dividing the tasks.

We did this over the weekend for our monthly deep-cleaning. I made a list of the housekeeping tasks and we each picked something. Even the most undesirable tasks were divided (with some grown-up assistance). And nobody balked.

We've divvied things up bit-by-bit since then, but I'm feeling we need something more concrete. Something visual, like our rhythm chart but for chores our housekeeping tasks. Laundry, cooking, dishes, pet care, etc.

We could divide daily but I'm feeling that a weekly rhythm will work best for my family.

So that's where we're at. Thanks for the encouragement and for coming along for this ride with me!

Worth noting, it hasn't been all sunshine and glitter over here.

Yesterday Lupine was mad crazy about helping out. (This is often not the case.) She was beaming as she harvested and hauled baskets of vegetables in from the garden (ours and the neighbors, with permission of course). Then she proudly made most of our lunch out of those veggies and was game for almost any task.

But Sage yesterday? Not so into it. While he did participate, there was a certain sparkle lacking and he was doing the absolute minimum that I asked of him by afternoon. I talked to him about it and he reported matter of factly that "he just wasn't into it today."

And I get that too.

So I didn't push him much yesterday. A few nudges, but I let him get by with doing less.

I stand to gain nothing by forcing this or pushing hard. In fact, I believe it will undermine what I am trying to cultivate. And to be honest, there are days that I get by with the least amount possible. So flexibility feels paramount. We'll have on days and off days. I can roll. 

And for those of you with younger kids, the advice I can offer you is this: make it fun! If setting the table involves candles and flowers from the garden, they'll want to participate. If putting away the dishes involves an airplane ride to the silverware drawer, who could resist? Don't expect much productive labor from your little ones, just bursts of "I can do it!" along with your focused work.

And rather than praising their efforts ("Good job setting the table!") help them find the satisfaction for their work inside. ("I can see that you feel proud to have set the table by yourself. That was a big job!") See the difference?

Love,

Rachel

Homemade playdough recipe.

There are few projects as satisfying to a five-year old (okay, or even a 35 year-old) as making playdough. It's fast, simple, and rewarding beyond the skills needed to make it happen.

I shared my playdough recipe once before, but I've rewritten it for you now, with photos of the process. Those help, since playdough goes through a "that-can't-be-right" stage just before it's done.

A note on wheat: though we do not eat gluten, no one in my home is celiac so this recipe is based on wheat flour. I'm working on a gluten-free version that I'll be sure to share when it's ready.

Homemade Play Dough

1 C white flour (I have used whole grain with good results as well)

1/4 C salt

2 T cream of tartar

1 C water

2 tsp food coloring (optional)

1 Tb oil

A few drops of essential oils of your choice.I am partial to Cranky Pants EO Blend, but use whatever you love.

Combine dry ingredients in a medium cooking pot.

Add wet ingredients (except essential oils) and stir.

Cook over medium heat stirring constantly. It will go through the following stages:

Wet soupy flour mixture;

still moist but becoming gooey and starting to stick to the pan;

very awkward to stir and rather chunky;

and then suddenly - voila! - a fairly smooth ball of dough in your pot.

Once the dough forms a ball in the center of the pot, turn out onto a lightly floured surface. Allow to cool for a few minutes, then knead until smooth. Make a dent with your finger to add optional essential oils. Knead in completely. 

For colored dough, divide as desired. Flatten each ball and make a fingerprint in the center. (But don't go all the way through!)

Add a drop or two of food coloring to each, then fold into a little calzone and carefully knead and fold to work the color into the dough. (This job is best for adults or older kids, and you might want to wear gloves if you are worried about a touch of coloring on your hands.)

We've had success with both grocery-store food coloring and the natural food coloring we use for baking.

Store in the fridge. Discard when it becomes sticky or if it starts to seem off.

Want a PDF of the recipe to can print it out? You bet!

Download HomemadePlaydoughRecipe

Have fun today!

Love,
Rachel

Participation without coersion. Phase 1.

As I type, this is what I can hear from the bedroom (To the tune of My Fair Lady):

"Grab the covers and pull them up,

pull them up,

pull them up!

Grab the covers and pull them up,

puuuuu-uuuuuu-uuuuul them!"

My kids giggling and singing and pretending to argue while they make the beds. They are absolutely collapsing in the giggles while they do their chores.

I know. It isn't normal. But I've never been a big fan of normal. And singing/giggling/play fighting while doing chores? I'm game. Because life after all is supposed to be fun.

Oh, yes. It's been a transformational few days.

Last week I shared with you my desire to raise my children in a way that did not result in entitlement. I want them to participate in the day-to-day running of our home rather that waiting to be served. However (and here is the kicker) I want to do this using only peaceful parenting strategies. My exact words were:

"We are going to create a home where everyone pulls their weight, but does so out of their desire to cooperate and participate. We will do it with peaceful parenting strategies - not power-over strategies, punishments, or rewards."

And so we got started.

Before I share with you the path we're on now (I'll save that for a later post since this will get long if I add it now) here are some highlights from the last few days (aside from all the singing).

* We did a deep cleaning of our entire house - together - and I don't remember hearing a single complaint.

* Sage learned how to mow the lawn properly and worked for hours by Pete's side and alone to complete the job. Every time I caught his eye he absolutely beamed.

* The kids and I canned a huge batch of applesauce. Enjoying some later in the day Sage reported that it was satisfying to watch the jars stack up and that the sauce tasted better for having done the work.

Yes. My kids have been participating. Joyfully or at the very least cooperatively. For hours on end.

And no one is forcing them or bribing them or guilt-tripping them. They just get it. They want to help out. 

While it hasn't been seamless, the struggles that we've faced have been some of the best lessons out there.

The first lesson came up after we determined our shared goal. It was when I started using the word "chores". Sage groaned. "Chores are boring. I hate chores!"

But we were going to make applesauce.

"That's not a chore. That's fun."

Right? Why can't chores be fun, I wondered?

So I looked up the definition.

chores

plural of chore (Noun)

1. A routine task, esp. a household one.

2. An unpleasant but necessary task.

And Sage and I realized that I was using definition 1. and he was hearing definition 2.

So now we don't call them chores lest he gets jammed up at the idea of them being unpleasant.

Sometimes all it takes is a little listening. Sometimes it's the little things.

We hit a bump on day one that turned out to be just what we needed to start us in the right direction. Sage was feeling the shift away from endless free time and into more participation.

He (very politely) complained about it. "Mama, I don't really feel like I have any free time anymore."

So he and I came up with a plan. We each made a chart. We divided our activities into three categories: chores, free-time, and work/homeschooling. Then we kept track of how we spent our time throughout the day.

At lunch time we totaled up each column and compared our charts. Sage was both amazed by how his own days balanced out and also by how little free time I took that day.

I didn't say a word. He looked it over, noted the surprises, and tossed the charts. He hasn't brought it up since. Because he saw how much free time he still has. He understood that he is both helping out and chilling out. It's all in balance.

Yes. The experiment is off to a beautiful start! 

I'll share a step-by-step in a few days of how we're implementing the plan. And I'm wondering about you.

What is happening in your home? Are your kids jumping in?

Love,
Rachel

The weekend.

Well good morning!

A link from Amanda this morning means many new faces here that I wasn't expecting. Welcome shiny new people! I'm so glad you're here.

This weekend - like most - was good-busy and full of blessings. We worked hard, we played joyfully, and we saw progress.

Some highlights were...

Simplification : : I've been on this kick for a while. But this weekend I took on a space I've been avoiding for five years. My closet floor. And I won! I see actual carpet in there. (Not just craft supplies and drywall screws.) Success!

Knitting : : I cast off my shawl! I can't adequately express how much I love this pattern. I'll share photos of the final project as soon as I weave in the tails. Bring it on, September. I'm ready.

Garden : : Not only did Pete and I haul a truckload of weeds out of the garden (We'd been neglectful. What can I say?) we also harvested some amazing beans. We planted Red Yard Long Noodle Beans this year. They are insane. Almost as long as my arm and staying purple when cooked, I am hooked. From now on we'll plant at least one mind-blowingly weird crop each season. Because these? Are crazy. And awesome.

Entitlement : : The experment to peacefully banish entitlement is off to an impressive start. They are empowered and I see confidence building. Together we've spent hours doing yardwork, canning applesauce, and keeping house. And guess what? They love it. More on that later in the week!

Happy Monday everyone.

Love,
Rachel

Sponsor Giveaway : : Simple Loving Family

Today I have the delight of bring your Nahautal and her company Simple Loving Family. Nahautal is a long-time reader here as well as a long-time sponsor. During the years that she has been reading and commenting on Clean I really feel like we've gotten to know each other. She and I have even begun discussing a cross-country cultural exchange, my family visiting hers in Costa Rica and hers visiting mine here in Wisconsin.

Her interview below is really a peek into how and why she creates what she does. Do read the interview and be sure to look around in her shop. It is lovely!

.

What is your company and how long have you been in business?

I have two, one is only in beautiful Latin America (cloth diapers, baby carriers, etc.), but Simple Loving Family is were I can put everything I create and design.

What brings you joy in what you do?

Well, I just love to create with my hands since I was a kid, but it took me a long time to believe in myself and that I could create things that were beautiful, which I don't consider so important, but useful.

One of the main concerns I have is that the item will fulfill a purpose and that it will last long - for example that the seams will withstand years of use and washing.

I also find lots of inspiration in Nature and specially in fruits and vegetables.

How are you and your business are bringing good into the world?

I was very happy when I came up with the name Simple Loving Family because that finally say all I want to: to help families to stay together; to live more simple, meaningful, and earth friendly lives; and to get closer together by playing. With very simple things like cloth produce bags or napkins we reduce much waste and also I love to design toys that the children always go to. Baby wearing and breastfeeding are also things I love to promote for the bonds that they help to create.

I worry a lot about packing, so I try not to create waste. That's why I sew cloth bags for the baby slings, so they can be reused.

My other main concern is that everything will be affordable, so I try to keep prices low.

What else should we know?

We are this minimal small family - just my son and me. The world I live in is very different from what I see in all the beautiful mama blogs I read. In Latin America there are many things that are from another planet here, such as homeschooling. We live in the Tropics were seasons are very different. But we are Mexican and that is an endless source of inspiration too with all the colorful traditions and meals.

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Nahuatl has offered a coupon code to all Clean readers for 10% off of anything in her shop! To redeem use coupon code GRACIAS10 before September 15, 2012.

She is also offering a giveaway where you pick your own prize! One lucky reader will receive any product of their choice (excluding Baby Carriers), shipped anywhere in the wold.

To enter simply leave a comment below. For a second entry, like Simple Loving Family on Facebook!

Comments are now closed. The winner is Jennifer who said:

I tried to comment but my post has mysteriously disappeared. Trying again -- but it should only be one entry for me. I'm not on facebook so can't do anything there.

Thank you Nahuatl and Simple Loving Family!