Clean.

There is no label for what you do.

Tonight I've been mulling over these past ten years and how I got to this place from which I mother. How did I become me - Rachel-as-Mama?

This mama. Right here. The one who homebirthed and breastfed (and yes, even happily nursed a couple of 3 1/2 year olds). The one who homeschools and has never issued a "time-out". The one who still co-sleeps most nights with two big and magical kids.

That one.

The truth is, there was no agenda. No book. No checklist. No what-to-do-what-not-to-do advice. I didn't know other new mothers when I became one. So I made it up as I went along.

I didn't set out to recreate someone else's idea of the parent I should become. I wasn't trying to impress anyone or do it all differently that my own mom did. I wasn't trying to contort myself into some extreme parenting pigeon hole to impress myself or anyone else.

I wasn't setting our with any intention at all except to listen to my child and listen to my heart.

Sure, you could label it. But really, it's mostly my own. Even if it does look like something you could call something.

I'm just following my instincts.

You could call me an attachment parent. Or a peaceful parent. Or an unconditional parent. Sure, those fit. But really, why bother? I'm more simply the mama-to-Sage-and-Lupine sort of parent.

Because when we get mixed up with labels and comparing ourselves with others, things get muddled and we lose our way. And all that noise drowns out our own truths.

So who are you? Who are you really when you listen authentically to your child and to your own heart?

When Sage was a baby it was hard. Unquestionably.

He cried, I cried... we've covered this. Babyhood can be in-freaking-tense.

So sure, we had a crib and a nursery. We had a stroller and a bouncy chair. But none of that was going to cut it for my kid. He wanted quiet and mama and nothing else. All day, all night.

And so we shifted. We adapted. We became.

I wasn't concerned with attachment or bonding or brain development or any book or expert. I was simply concerned with making my baby content. I wanted the crying to stop in a way that was in harmony with my soul.

And what that means for me is different than what it might mean for you. And that's okay.

When Sage cried I literally dropped everything - yes, sometimes on the floor - and ran to him. I ran. I really ran. There was no other option for me.

I just ran.

To be honest this habit stressed the hell out of the other adults around me. And I didn't really care. Because my baby was crying and every cell in me needed to respond - and fast. It was instinctive, primal, visceral.

And I had no desire to pretend to not be moved passionately by his cries. I had no desire to be someone other than who I was.

As one wise and wonderful friend told me during that time, "You have no one to answer to but your own child. Not your neighbor, not your mom, not your friends. When your child asks, 'Why did you do it the way you did?' they deserve an answer. But you don't need to answer to anyone else."

When Sage was six months old a neighbor talked to me about Attachment Parenting. "What's that?" I asked, nursing my baby tucked in the sling. "It's what you do," she said, a quizzical look on her face. I was totally clueless to labels. I was just doing my thing the best way that I could.

But sometimes I hear a mutter and a stir about what a wreck someone's life became when they tried on AP with their first child. So with the second (or with the rest) it will be different. No more co-sleeping or night-nursing or baby-wearing or fill-in-the-blank-here. Because Attachment Parenting really tore things up in their world the first time and they won't head down that path again.

But maybe it's not so simple. Maybe it's less about a type or style of parenting that failed you and more the result of trying to fit some predetermined idea of the "best" parent archetype.

Because there is no best anything.

Maybe if we get authentic and say "I will listen to my child and my inner voice and honor those truths" when we embark on this journey, everything would transform.

Our family is served by our mindfulness as we move through this journey - thinking and feeling our way to the best fit for our family, whatever that may be.

Because from here we can begin to release our fear of judgement for that crib or bottle or stroller - or that family bed, five-year old nursling, or toddler in the Ergo.

Because we're all different.

And as long as we lead with love and search for joy then we're on the right path.

It's time to be authentic.

If we fall into line behind someone else's march we'll miss our own journey all together. Find your right answers. Quiet the noise and hear yourself and your child.

And know that parenting is sometimes going to be hard, no matter the label you apply. Doing away with cosleeping (or starting it for that matter) probably won't transform a hard struggle into pure ease.

Because parenting is meant to be big work. For me it is simultaneously the hardest and most rewarding work of my life.

There is only your inner truth. There is no book that knows more than you. No friend who got it more right than you. We're individual. We're all wabi sabi - perfect in our imperfection.

So set out today determined to listen to your heart. To listen to your child. And to be authentically you.

Because after all, that's why your kid picked you and not me to be their mama.

Because you alone are their best.

Love,
Rachel

P.S. If you enjoyed this post you might also enjoy What I didn't know: Reflections on Motherhood.

And for new or expectant parents here is a round-up of all of my mothering posts, written from my own perspectives, preferences, and experience.

Foraging with Kids

Sure, morel season has passed. But summer is bountiful too! Are you ready to get out there and harvest some wild foods?

I'm blogging today over on Simple Homeschool. My post is here. Pop on over to get started with foraging!

Love,

Rachel

We tried.

Oh, how we tried.

Visiting a farm this weekend we set out to explore. Down by the barn Pete and the kids heard a faint peeping coming from the grass. A baby bird! Helpless and hungry, we quickly searched for the nest (we thought it had fallen and if we could find the nest we could return it to its family), then dug worms to plop into its gaping beak.

With some searching Pete found the nest behind a loose board and went went above and beyond (literally) to get that little one home.

Success! (Or so we thought.) Baby was tucked back into an awkwardly placed nest and we thought we were good.

It didn't occur to us until later that there was no easy access to the outside from the nest so the baby couldn't have fallen. That baby was ejected.

Fast forward to the next day. We returned to the same farm and Sage and Lupine ran to the barn. Again - peeping! The same baby (it had a scratch on its belly that we recognized) was again lying in the grass.

This time the kids ran for an empty robin's nest they had found and started digging worms.

We tried. Oh, how we tried.

But that mama bird who tossed the baby from that high nest - not once but twice - must have known something we didn't. Within 12 hours, despite our frequent feedings, the baby grew weak and we found a quiet place for it to die.

It was hard for Sage.

Very hard.

And for me too. We tried our best and it didn't work. The baby was destined to die despite our efforts.

And yet looking back maybe it did work, though not how we had planned.

We reached out to a helpless (and arguably ugly) little creature and did our best for him. We worked hard, and it was worth it - even though the outcome wasn't what we had wanted.

We felt the undeniable interconnections of all life, and also the inevitability of death and it's place in nature.

In less than two days that little bird taught us so much.

Safe journey tiny one. Safe journey.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

One quick aside before I go.

Thank you for your support in the Mission: Small Business grant application process. Thanks to those of you who voted for us our application will be considered. I'm so appreciative.

Love,
Rachel

Can you help?

May I ask you a small favor?

Last night I applied for a small business grant. Being awarded the grant could mean the world for my small business. In order for my application to be considered I need 200 more votes for my company LuSa Organics before the end of the week.

I see each day how many of you come here to read my words, so if even a fraction of you are willing to cast a vote for me I would be considered!

If awarded the grant many doors would open for my family and my business that would transform how we make our products and run our company.

The Dream

I have a dream of LuSa owning an organic farm where we could grow our own organic herbs and ingredients. Imagine rolling fields of organic mint, comfrey, lavender, and calendula. We would build or renovate a small barn in which to distill and press oils, dry herbs, and transform these basic ingredients into our healing organic body care.

The grant would help us do this and more. Help with marketing. Staffing. Growth. A filling machine perhaps.

It would be huge, I tell you.

What I am asking is for your vote. It will take you less than a minute to show your support.

1. Go to the Mission: Small Business web page.

2. Click the bottom right blue button: Log in & Support (there is even a fast "log in with Facebook option).

3. Search "LuSa Organics" in the company search bar and click to vote!

That's all it takes.

Thank you for coming here each day and reading my words. And thank you for supporting this little dream I have. Just the process of writing the grant was exciting as I was able to see more clearly what more funding will create for this little venture of mine.

Love,
Rachel

Edited to add: I just emailed to see if there is a non-Facebook way to vote. Strangely there is not. Here is their reply to my inquiry:

"Thank you for your email. We do not have any other ways of voting other than through Facebook. The goal of this program is to bring attention to local small business  and we are doing all we can to drive traffic to these business' social media pages. We appreciate your feedback and will obviously take it into consideration for future programs."

Baby Love: links for new parents.

I have no less than five friends expecting a baby or snuggling up with a fresh sweet newborn at this very moment. Five beautiful mamas (and supportive papas) spreading baby fever far and wide.

In the past four years I have written some relevant posts for new parents that are a bit buried in the archives.

I thought it would be helpful to round them up and put them all in one place so that you can use them yourself or share them with friends.

Helpful Clean links for new parents:

New Baby Checklist A no-frills list of what you really need for baby.

Honoring Motherhood: The Blessingway A meaningful alternative to the ubiquitous baby shower.

What is a Meal Wheel? Get your best friend on the task of organizing a meal wheel for your family, or organize one in your own community. Meal wheels are transformational.

What I Did Not Know: Reflections on Motherhood This is the closest thing I ever had to a viral post. It clearly hit close to home for many parents.

Your Words: Thoughts for New Parents Your thoughts and advice to new parents. Thank you for what you shared.

Peaceful Parenting  A series of posts to inspire more connection-based, non-violent parenting.

Child-Led Weaning One approach to weaning your child.

Safe Co-Sleeping My thoughts (and a few great links) to help you bed-share safely with your little ones.

Co-Sleeping, Night-Waking, and Growing-Up And this post - a bit of perspective when you haven't slept in days...

There is No Label for What You Do On rejecting labels and ebracing authenticity in parenting.

While I'm at it, here are a few of our favorite books for pregnancy, birth, and babyhood.

Ina Mae's Guide to Childbirth Ina Mae is an inspiration. This book is a must-read for expectant parents.

Birthing from Within Preparing you emotionally and spiritually for birth.

Your Best Birth This I have not read but I have bought it for friends hoping for VBAC births. Looks wonderful.

A Child is Born This book rocked our science-geek minds when we were expecting Sage. A photographic week-by-week view of developing baby. Amazing.

The Baby Book By Dr. Sears. I'm so grateful that I had this book when Sage was small.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution Another worthwhile read as you navigate night-time parenting.

Sign With Your Baby Simple baby signs reduce frustration and increases communication between you and your little one.

Diaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene We did it. We loved it. I can't imagine doing it any other way. Truly. It was life-changing.

How about you? What would you add to these lists? Links to other blogs, books, or websites are welcome!

Love,
Rachel

 

Meet Smudge.

Yes. We really did.

I know. We just got a puppy. And an angora rabbit (named Moonstone for the record. I don't think I ever told you his name.)

But a kitten really rounds out the domestic animal herd, doesn't it? One old dog and one puppy, one old cat and one kitten, and a bonus rabbit. (I'm not counting the fish, tadpoles, and occasional snakes.)

Over the past couple of months my kids have slowly tamed a wild kitten at a farm where Sage takes a class. This is one kitten of many from two litters born to semi-wild cats that live in the barn.

Every Tuesday the kids come home with stories of the sweet little black kitten who let them hold him. Sometimes Pete (the practical no-more-pets guy) even talks up how unbelievably cute this little one is.

And because Pete normally takes the kids to class I hadn't met the kitten yet.

But this week. This week I took the kids to class.

(That was our fatal error.)

I called Pete half-way through class. There was a small and sweet kitten asleep in my lap. I believe my exact question was, "Would it ruin your day if I brought that kitten home?"

And his response was an immediate, "Is it the black one? Isn't he adorable?!"

And so we did. We brought him home.

He's a barn cat, we rationalized. We just need the barn.

And oh, my. He's so darn cute. Last night he slept in my bed in the crook of my arm, just like my kids did when they were babies.

Eeek! A kitten!

 

Sublime Summer.

Take a moment to linger over each picture below. It'll be like you and I are taking a walk through my garden. Take your time. Breathe. Savor. Imagine the hot sun on your shoulder and the breeze cooling your skin.

Welcome.

Come into the garden...

And now we're back inside, eating raspberries and drinking sun tea. I'm so glad you came.

It's nearly summer here in the North.

Last night we slept with the windows open and the blankets pulled off of the bed, a fan in every window. We have central air, but somehow I feel like we're missing out on the change of the seasons if we pump cold air in, rather than revel in the sticky heat when summer rolls into town.

So it's been sweaty. 90 F sort of sweaty outside, and 86 F sort of sweaty in. Summer has arrived and in a few days it'll be official.

Hot, sultry, sublime.

Summer.

After four days away my garden turned to an impenetrable jungle. Green chaos held back only by the strength of our fence.

Have you had the experience of being away from your child for a couple of days yet? If you have you remember the realization upon their return that they are different. They have grown. Physically. Intellectually. In just a couple of days you feel that they are different than when you said goodbye.

Coming back to the garden was like that, only greener.

Everything was different.

Without my help the stinkbugs had left the cucumbers, the sunflowers had opened, and all manner of growth had occurred. The lettuces had bolted and there were zucchini. Honest to goodness zucchini.

While I appreciated the display of independence, I wasn't sure we'd bounce back from that chaos.

But after a couple of hours of pulling weeds, some harvesting of gigantic peas and lettuces, and staking the tomatoes and it looks just as good as before we left.

Well, almost.

And oh, the volunteers. (Some might call them "weeds".) The garden is brimming with so many plants that arrived uninvited.

As I looked through the photos I made yesterday I realized that not one of my favorites was of a plant that came about with human help. Yes, I've planted plenty of the standard garden faire. Kohlrabi, peas, beans, zucchini, cucumbers, broccoli, tomatoes, and kale (among others).

But every plant above came on their own accord. They chose me, rather than the other way around. We liked them and we let them stay.

All volunteers. Sunflowers. Dandelions. Chamomile. Jewelweed. Raspberries.

Such a metaphor for life, isn't it? We plan and we plant and then let the magic happen. We'll reap what we sowed, and so much more.

Thanks for showing up, garden friends. I treasure you. I treasure you for your food and your medicine and your beauty - and the simple surprise of your arrival.

Love,
Rachel

Renewable Energy Fair.

Well that was fun.

We spent the past four days in central Wisconsin at the Midwest Renewable Energy Association's Energy Fair. Renewable Energy and Sustainable Living Fair to be precise. 

We've attended the Energy Fair as vendors every year since Sage was in diapers and the sling. It's one of the only events we attend with regularity other than the farmer's market.

We love it. You could say these are our people.

We lived in this area in the past, so we have lots of community here. But beyond that, the types of folks who attend a renewable energy fair inherently get what we're creating and why. They want organic soap and safe, natural baby care products. It's a pleasure to come here and share our products and our story.

For the past two years my company LuSa Organics has sponsored the children's activities. It seems only right since my children spend 90% of their time at the fair hanging out there.

(Thus the photos above are only the kids area and our tent. I could have done better with some awesome shots of timber framing workshops and wind turbines, but there you go. This is where I spent the weekend.)

I was so happy to meet so many of you at the fair! (Most of you recognized my children first, which makes sense.) I wasn't expecting to meet so many of you! Thanks for introducing yourselves. It's wonderful for me to have faces to put on the other side of the writing I do here.

And today we're back home. Home sweet messy home. The laundry is up to our ears, my kids are begging for baths (yes, they are that dirty), and the cat, rabbit, and dogs are wanting lots of love.

Coming home is often the best part of going away, isn't it?

Love,
Rachel

Edited to add: the tutorial for the fabric bunting shown in the photos of my booth is over here! Enjoy.

Pause.

These photos have nothing to do with anything except that Lupine thought I should show them to you.

Because there's nothing like a cute/terrified raccoon to brighten an ordinary day.

This little one came to see us a few nights ago. I'm glad she didn't bring her mama along (I'd worry a bit for our garden, trash can, and rabbit), but I do hope they found each other again.

Wishing you a wild and wonderful weekend. I'll be offline until Monday or Tuesday, enjoying life without the screen. Who will join me?

Have a wonderful weekend, friends.

Love,
Rachel

Grain-Free Granola.

This is the best granola of my life.

There. I said it. (Sorry Mom. Yours is awesome too.)

But this. This is life-changing.

Since cutting out most grains a couple of years ago, there are a few things I really miss. Popcorn was one. Grilled cheese another. And granola. Granola might be my favorite comfort food. It was hard to live withouth.

But a friend gave me the starting point for this recipe when we were on GAPS and I thought I died and went to heaven. Granola! Without the belly-ache!

I'm not sure who came up with the original recipe. It was one of those handed down friend to friend to friend deals. Over the years I've modified it heavily, so I think it's ready to share.

And besides. You need this. I just can't keep it to myself any longer.

Do go easy on this granola though, since it's mostly seeds and nuts and they are (in general) a food that our bodies have to work pretty hard to digest. Granola is a treat.

Also, the actual work-time of this recipe is short, but it takes a couple of days to go from nuts to granola, so plan ahead.

Grain-Free Granola

1 C pitted dates
1 large (or 2 small) apple cored and chopped (leave the peel on)
1/3 C honey or maple syrup (more or less to taste)
Juice of 1 lemon, lime, or orange
Zest of 1 lemon, lime, or orange
2 tsp salt
8 C assorted nuts and seeds (almonds, pecans, cashews, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, etc.)
2 C dessicated coconut
1 C fruit or vegetable pulp (from juicing, optional)
1 C hemp seeds (optional)

Begin by soaking your nuts and seeds in ample water and 2 TB sea salt. This helps reduce the amount of phytic acid in the nuts. Phytic acid, found in grains and nuts draws minerals from your body for digestion. Therefore soaking all grains (if you eat them) and nuts and seeds is key. (We really learned this while dealing with tooth decay for our daughter. Avoid eating lots of grains, seeds, and nuts if you are experiencing decay.)

You may want to soak the smaller seeds separatly as you'll need a mesh strainer for them. Otherwise toss them all in the same bowl.

Wait 24 hours day. (Or at least four hours. Four is good. Twenty-four is great.)

Soak dates in enough warm water to cover. Set aside and allow to soften.

Drain water off of nuts and rinse.

In a large mixing bowl combine nuts, seeds, coconut, citrus zest, and optional fruit and vegetable pulp and hemp seeds.

Strain soaking water off of dates. Reserve.

In your blender combine cored, chopped apple with citrus juice, honey or maple, and soaked dates. Add enough date water to make it easier to blend. Puree.

Pour your sweet and sassy syrup over nut and seed mixture. Stir with your hands, then lick off your fingers on your way to the sink. It's messy. But heavenly.

Dehydrate in your food dehydrator for approximately 12 hours or until completely dry. (No dehydrator? No worries! Spread on cookie sheets and bake at the lowest possible temperature in your oven. Stir occasionally to ensure thorough drying.)

I have yet to make this and not have my family snitch a good 30% of it right out of the dehydrator before it's even done. Plan on the same. The whole house will smell like heaven during the dehydrating and it's irresistible. Forgive them.

Grain-Free Granola is amazing on yogurt of with the milk of your choice. Also good out of hand as a snack.

Store in air-tight jars in the refrigerator or freezer.